我还想他。

淚水；
將我淹沒；
到底誰該難過？


究竟；
是誰放掉；
這段感情？


我才終於明白；
辦不到的承諾；
就成了枷鎖。


現實中幸福永遠缺貨⋯⋯

I feel like an energy sucker.
Leeching on to dasao, leeching on to Boon, leeching on to Alee and now even on to Querido.
But at that moment, all I wanted was somebody to hear me, somebody to ease my pain.
And he was the only one who could do it.

A sense of relieve envelop me when I was engaged in the conversation, even when there was awkward silence in it.
I feel as though I am forcing myself on him.
I know, very clearly that he probably doesn't have any feelings for me anymore.
And that if anything goes wrong, I will be hurt more than before.
But at this moment, I couldn't really care much, because I am already hurt bad enough.

This can't drag on, my heart is practically ripping itself.
Even crying doesn't help in releasing the stress that is building up within me.
Stress from assignments (can't seem to stop building no matter how hard I worked hard to clear them).
Distress that comes from relationship and memories.

I wish there's a way for me to forget everything, forget the four of them, and let my "love" level remain at primary school crush level, where I can look back at laugh.
I wish for someone to hug me when I cry myself out.
And if I can, I wish he is right here with me, guiding me through every step.
I don't need for us to patch up, just wish for him to listen to what I have to say, and answer what I want to find out.
And if possible, I hope we can be friends like we were.
I would give up half my life for that.

I want to be happy, I deserve to be happy.
I want to be myself, I don't wanna cry everyday for the same person over the same reason.
I want to be like other ordinary girls in a normal relationship.

I know mine isn't the worst case on Earth.
But I am not a bitch, a slut, a whore, or some indecent girl.
I am just a girl, who's broken in my last relationship, waiting for someone to cherish me, to protect me.
To be my boy, and only my boy.
To find someone who can be true and honest to me.

I can't describe how much I am tempted to kill myself and end all these torments.
And believe me when I say torment is an understatement.

Giving up was never easy.
I never wanted to walk the path towards giving up for anything.
But for this relationship, it seems that giving up is the only way I can protect myself is giving up.

The only regret will be:
I am losing a very good friend of mine.

"Best friends ;
Lovers ;
Forever soulmates."

I will try to smile no matter what.
Because Jasni taught me to.
You'll never know who'd be falling in love with your smile =D !

"Na myo ho ren-ge kyo."

就讓沈默代替所有回答⋯⋯
林俊傑－《我還想她》