Happy 14th Month Anniversary, Darling ;) ...

Darling.
I know you haven't been feeling all that cheerful for the past few, perhaps, months.
And being your girlfriend, I wasn't there to make you feel better, to cheer you up.
Despite that fact that I tried, I still couldn't cheer you up like I did before.
In addition, I added on to your misery.
By fighting with you, being impatient with you.
Being picky on minor things because that's just the way I am.

And not being able to break down the barrier that cut off communications that spells out what we're feeling.

Please believe me that I tried really really hard.
And that I am at a loss of what to do because I just keep failing and failing.
And I am just desperate to get you to talk to me.

I feel untrusted.
And unimportant sometimes.
When I know you're keeping your true emotions from me.
And refusing to talk to me about what you're thinking.

I don't know if it's because I don't have your trust.
Or that's just the way you are.

If we can accommodate each other on this issue, I guess things between us will turn for the better.
Let's say we're fighting over an issue and things are getting heated up and you're tempted to withdraw from this fight and cool off, you can tell me that you need to chill off.
We can arrange for a time to talk about it.
In that way, you won't have to worry about me interrupting your thoughts.
And I don't have to worry about you not talking to me.
It's a win-win situation actually.
Just dropping it is not a solution because the same thing will happen again and again and again.

And why let the same problem arise so many times in our lives when we can talk things out nicely and settled it once and for all?
Wasn't that what you fought for us in the past?

I know you're exhausted.
And yet trying to show the world that you're still ready to take it on.
So now it's my turn to try and make things fine.
But you're irritated and I will get exhausted too sooner or later.
Then what are we gonna do?

Break up?
Or maybe, that's what you want.
I don't know.

I told you before I am insecure about relationships.
Especially when I am such a failure in this aspect.
You told me you're insecure and scared to love too.
So here I am, doing all I can, to chase away that insecurity.
And trying my best to make you feel love.
Maybe, my way of loving is wrong.
Just wrong, but I don't know how to rectify it...

The time now is 10.02PM.
2 more hours to our 14th month anniversary.
I am nervous.
Sandwiched between the decision to ring you up or not.

I don't know if you still check my blog.
And if you do, how often.
But I hope you do because I have a gift for you.
I shall schedule this post to be posted on 12.00AM.

As a present for you.

Darling, the past 1 year and 2 months hasn't been easy for both of us.
I don't know what do anniversaries mean to you.
But to me, they're checkpoints of how far we've came.
Reminding me that 14 months ago, on this exact day, you put my first ever couple ring on my finger.

I hope even though I'm not beside you, you'll still remember that it's our anniversary on this day.
After all, you're the one to wish us, all these while, even when we fought.
And come to think of it, it was a small action that really touched me.
One of those that I didn't know how to appreciate completely at that moment.

Not alot of guys care about dates.
You did, so preciously.
That touched me.
Thank you <3.



Happy 14th month anniversary ;) <3.


10.50PM.
Still on this post.
Should I schedule it?
Or just post it when I am done?
Lolz...