1.27AM.
I am still awake.
After Audii-iing with a few Loonatics.
Hmmz.
Darling wanted to reformat his computer today.
But I realized something.
My harddisk has already been fornatted to Mac-Compatible.
)= how to back up his things?
Sigh.
And he's still sleeping so soundly now >< ohno.
Charlotte kept disconnecting from the game earlier on.
She has been lagging so badly.
Which reminds me of the past when my Acer computer used to lag this bad with MIO and I kept swearing vulgarities.
It dawned on me suddenly that I was the one who caused that relationship to strain.
That relationship I cherish with my life, hear and soul.
I remembered when I first talked to him, I was filled with LOLS and funny ideas and sort.
But after some time we got together, my way of speech back.
The bubbly me was gone bits by bits.
And in replace, there was this ball of anger that's always in me.
I showed the worst side of me to him, that I should never have.
I know there's this quote that says if he can't handle you at your worst, he don't deserve you at your best.
But in this case, I feel that I am the one who let him down.
Because my worst was definitely far worse than anyone can take.
When I scolded those vulgarities, I hadn't respect him like he respected me.
I even had the tone that sounded like he should just shut up and keep me companied.
Sigh, nothing can express how much regrets I feel inside me.
If only I had noticed how much my change was taking its toll on him.
If only I had noticed how insensitive I was to his vulnerability.
If only I had noticed how much he was giving in and not take advantage.
If only I can turn back time, turn it back to the days when vulgarities didn't fill me that much.
I'm trying.
Perhaps it may be too late because I have already lost him but I am trying.
Because I wanna make myself a better girl, for the sake of myself.
When Charlotte kept disconnecting, Boon called her up.
If only he had did that, perhaps things wouldn't turn out this way...
Querido.
I need to tell you how sorry I am.
No matter how long it has been.
This will be a regret in me forever.
I really hate myself for what I did.
I can't forgive myself.
Tell me, what should I do to relieve this guilt..?
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