Never Had A Dream Come True.

The first time I heard this song...
Hmmz, I wouldn't and can't be sure when it was anyway.
But I know that the first time this song actually made an impact on me was when Querido introduced it to me.

There are parts of the songs that I love alot.
Here is the lyrics.
I can copy and paste, but I feel that I want to type this out.
Even though no one will know.
But, I get the feel of that song when I do so.
=) .
I want to savor the meaning of the song...

"Everybody's got something ;
They had to leave behind .
One regret from yesterday ;
That just seems to grow with time .
There's no use looking back or wondering ;
How it could be now , or might have been .
All these I know ,
But still I can't ,
Find a way to let you go ."

For me, the something that I have to leave behind, Querido, is you.
The promises you made to me, the memories we had.
And the love that I can never brush off no matter how much time past.
I got over Dodo with you.
But I never got over you with Alee.
It's just impossible.
Because Dodo was just cruel.
But you?
You were cruel.
But the way we broke off, it was sharp, yet I don't know.
Sigh.
Not being able to form my sentences in front of you, for me to tell you how I feel, is a regret from yesterday, that just seems to grow with time.
I wish I was strong enough.
So that I can tell you how I feel, I wish I have the power to make you understand.
Many times, I keep wondering how it will be like, if I had just went into your embrace that day instead of forcing you to wake up.
No amount of words and express my regret.
I wish I had just lay beside you, snuggled with you.
Perhaps you wouldn't have felt the pressure.
Perhaps we would be together and I would be like Charlotte, blogging about how much she misses Boon while he's in the NS.
Yea, I know, you told me you had the break up plan in you for quite a while.
I knew that, I never got over that.
Yet I still can't let you go.
Tell me why.
Tell me a way I can stop thinking about you.

"I never had a dream come true ;
Till the day that I found you .
Even though I pretend that I moved on ;
You'll always be my baby .
I never found the words to say ;
You're the one I think about each day .
And I know ,
No matter where life takes me to ,
A part of me will always be with you ."

My dream to be pampered, to have a friend/lover.
You were everything that I ever wanted.
You were a dream come true.
Even though it's been 17 months since we last saw each other, you're the one I think about each day.
I don't have Shakespeare's talents, to string words up in a flowery way, so that you can appreciate it.
I suck at expressing myself, seriously.
And I know for sure, no matter how many boyfriends I will have, have, will not have, you'll always be in my mind.
Perhaps until the day you tell me you got a girlfriend, got a wife or something.

"Somewhere , in my memory ,
I lost a sense of time .
And tomorrow can never be ,
`Cause yesterday is all that fills my mind .
There's no use looking back , oh wondering ,
What is could have been now ,
Or might have been .
All these I know ,
But still I can't ,
Find a way to let you go ."

Sense of time?
How's travelling to and fro the past.
To and fro the future?
The fiction in my mind?
It was just like yesterday when you told me that I had trusted the right person.
It was just like yesterday when you told me you wanted a relationship where you can talk about anything and be honest with each other.
It was just like yesterday I was hanging out at the park with you.
It was just like yesterday...
Yes, yesterday, 10 March.
Wasn't very good.
I argued with my boyfriend.
Tsk.
Yet 2 years ago, on that day, you told your mum you had a girlfriend.
I hate changes.
Really.
You're all that fills my mind when I am down, someone I wish I can talk to.
I don't even need you to talk.
I just need a company.
And I wish it's you.
There's no use, looking and asking myself why I didn't stop myself from making you turned off.
Why I forced you out of bed to eat breakfast.
But I can't help it.

"I never had a dream come true .
Till the day that I found you .
Even though I pretend that I moved on ;
You'll always be my baby .
I never found the words to say ,
You're the one I think about each day .
And I know ,
No matter where life takes me to ,
A part of me will always be with you ."

You'll always be the dream that fills my head .
Yes you will ,
Say you will ,
You know you will , baby .
You'll always be the one I can never forget .
There's no use looking back oh wondering .
Because love is a strange and funny thing .
No matter how hard I try and try ,
I just can't say goodbye ...

***

Now for the entry I have in mind for the past few days.

If I have a wish, I want to wish for the ability to express how I feel.
Because if I have this ability, I wouldn't have end up breaking with him.
Maybe.
I would be more careful with my words.

If I have a wish, I want to wish for the ability to convince.
Because only then, I can stop them when they wanna leave.
Friends, boyfriends, when they wanna leave me, I can convince them to stay with me.

If I have a wish, I want to wish for the ability to sense intricate emotions.
Because only then, I could have realize how much my vulgarities were straining on our relationship.
I should have realized I didn't use vulgar at all at the start.
Which was why we could chat so happily.
Because only then, I would have cherish Jason, and not make him waste all his patience and effort, time, and in the end, to result in me regretting and having to chase him back, going through when he went through, without knowing when this vicious cycle will end.

I don't know if wishes come true.
But as of today, I, Seah Hui Yee, shall make a promise to myself that I will:
1) Try and change myself for the better me that I have always wanted myself to be.
2) Bring my bubbly self back to me.
3) Learn to become a good girlfriend.
4) Change myself and attitude before I wanna change anyone.
5) Be my truthful self, and learn to communicate in the right way.
6) Stop crying and crying and crying, for something or for nothing.

All these are not easy to be done.
But I will.
=) because I believe, if someone doesn't know how to cherish me now, when I decided to let go, another person will come along.

He doesn't need to be good-looking, doesn't need to be rich.
Doesn't need to be perfect, or perfect for me.
Need not be everything that I want.
But the most important is that he is willing to work things out with me.
And put me in his priority, in front of his favourite sports club, animes, schoolwork, work, friends.
I don't know how much I should put in in any relationship anymore.

Tsktsk.
I am so drained.
=) , I wish I can go on a holiday myself.

I wish I have the courage to stop waiting for you to text me.
Stop waiting for you to <3 me.
Stop expecting you to be sweet all the time.

Seah Hui Yee, stop being stupid.
The sweetness is over, get over it...

Jason Lee, I'll keep this Valentine Card properly.
Because it's one of the best assurance you've ever given me.
I hope you mean what you say in the card.
Because I really believe you love me.
I really believe.