被放弃的我应有此报吗？

It's only been two days since I last saw you.
But it felt as though more than two days had past.

I can somehow feel the temperature between us dropping, your passion about me fading.
I can sense that you no longer care about me, how I feel, my well-being like you used to.

I remember there was once I was working at POPULAR.
I told you I was coughing.
You came to find me to see me during my dinner break.
And bought herbal tea for me.
Waited for me to end work, even though you had to wait more than an hour and send me home.

Now, I told you my tummy ache for no reason, you didn't asked how I am feeling.

I need to ask.
Before you would say that you love me.
I need to remind before you would <3 me.

If I am on your mind, all these should come naturally, ain't it?

Forgive me Darling.
I am not trying to rant.
Or complain.
Or make people pity me.
I just feel a need to voice out what's inside me.

I wish you would understand how regretful I am for treating you badly.
And how I can't forgive myself for the many times I've hurt you.
I know my actions and words sometimes hurt you.
And you just kept them to yourself.
I wish you would say it out though.

How else would I know?
How else am I supposed to know?

Today, I cried.
I don't know how to handle this coldness.

You raised your voice with me on the phone.
I was scared.
I wished I could have your hug, but you were not to be seen.

And I realized.
I miss being at Genting with you.
When I was your one and only center of attention.

I miss us being us.
I miss the time you tried so hard to make me happy.

I wish I can give you happiness.
I've tried so hard but I keep failing.

Should I believe that you are keeping quiet because you don't wanna give me an insincere answer?
Or should I believe that you've already stop attempting to explain anymore?

At this moment now.
I wish you were right before me.
Standing in front of me.
Looking into my eyes.
Holding both my hands.
And tell me truthfully.
How important I am to you.

Jason Lee.
I really love you alot.

I wish there was a way I can bring us both back to the shore instead of drifting so far into the sea, where currents just sweep us further and further away from each other.

Jason Lee, tell me.
What am I supposed to do to make you open yourself to show me the genuine feelings of yourself?

I am telling everyone and you if you are reading this blog that I love you.
And no matter how many times I have to endure the coldness.
How many times I have to cry because I feel helpless, I, Seah Hui Yee, am not giving this one year thing without a fight.

What should I do?
How do I fight on?
Is anybody out there...?