The sad things.

Do you know what it feels like, to have waited for almost your whole life as far back as you can remember, for a special day, and then end up in disappointment?

I am really thankful, seriously, to those who were involved in the two surprise parties held for me.

Although it wasn't on the actual day, today, I am really glad that I am the one they plan it for.

I don't know if I am the one who don't know how to appreciate or what.

But the happiness I feel then is not enough to cover the disappointment that I feel today.

*

Before I go about ranting about my disappointment, I must make myself clear that, I am not trying to ask for more, or not knowing how to be contented.

But today is my birthday, and I don't think it's that selfish to wanna feel special on this day, especially when I have repeatedly emphasize on how important turning 18 is to me, and how it is my one of my favourite ages.

A few minutes after 12AM, my best friend liked the comment on the post her boyfriend wrote to her.

So she was on Facebook, awake at that time, but she didn't message me, nor wish me or anything.

So another best friend was commenting on one of the links I share, before eventually wishing me happy birthday after so many other people did.

And guess what?

Both of them were replying to each other.

Seriously, seriously.

I am not saying that if they never wish me on time, or if they're not the first few to wish me, they're no longer my friends or that I am not important to them.

I am thankful for them being present on my celebration, but please, today is the actual day, yo?

And excuses are just.

Lolz, laughable, pathetically.

I came to school at 8AM.

Seriously, an hour early because I don't wanna be late for discussion.

Umma came to school and told me she was tired, she wanna sleep.

We met up with our group mate then after.

And she wished me happy birthday.

It was then Umma realize it was my birthday.

Okaez can, she is tired, she put it off her mind.

It's okaez, since there are also people who actually forgot their own birthday when they're too busy.

But what followed next was hurtful.

She said she knew why it didn't felt like my birthday.

Because I didn't dress up.

LOLZ, seriously, seriously?

If dressing up will make me feel special, I'll gladly dress up everyday.

And prolly sacrifice my sleep time to experiment with make up.

But feeling special don't depend on the way you dress.

It depends on the people around you and the events that happened in the day.

Let's say if I dressed up properly, and you didn't even remember my birthday, how am I supposed to feel special?

Drop that.

I have only one lesson in school today.

And that's Media Research and Marketing.

The whole lesson is seriously just.

I don't know, it doesn't get into my head.

I haven't even got a clue of what's going on.

I paid attention, understood what the teacher is talking but I don't know how to apply it to myself.

Really.

We're supposed to consult her on our assignment.

But I haven't prepared anything.

In the end, whatever my idea was just got rejected.

And so, I officially am lagging behind the others ;) .

It's always like that.

I don't understand why my idea has to be rejected all the time.

I don't know why I must be so lost all the time.

Dafug, really, DAFUG.

And the awkwardness that was present in the teacher's eyes?

Fuck, that was hurting.

I smiled and brushed it off.

But it hurt so much, anyone knows?

How much I felt like crying there and then.

27 June 2012, the day when I turn 18.

The day when I am supposed to feel special.

Turns out to be as shitty as other days.

But today is just shittier than any other days.

It's shit + disappointment.

Totally shit like.

I just wanna cry.

And Dar hasn't been replying my message when he's supposed to be stepping out of house already.

I don't even have a chance to cry.

It's my birthday and I have to feel suffocated.

So I spent the whole of my life, waiting for a shitty day?

Fuck my life, really.