I forgot that in reality, we are still two individuals and that "two combined into one" was just an illusion."
--Ann
*
Was casually looking through my Instagram album on Facebook.
And I saw quite a number of photos that I didn't tag him in.
Hahahahaz.
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| This picture is probably ranked #1 among all the pictures I took with him. We were on our way to Durty Nelly, on bus 77. And I decided to take a photo. And naturally, almost instinctively, he hook his arm around me, and pulled me towards him. Planting a peck on my cheek. |
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| A dramatic feel. Perhaps, matching the dramatic person that I am. This was taken at the bus stop below my house when he was about to go home. The feeling when he wrapped his arms around me, makes me feel like I am safe. |
I miss the many many good times we had before.
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| When we were walking around. While waiting for the visiting time to be activated to visit my ahma. I love this picture because it has his retarded look. And his arm around me. |
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| Taken when Dar and I are waiting for bus to go to the next destination for dinner. No physical intimacy. Just that smile of his, that had me mesmerized. |
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| I don't think he knows. Although I prolly said it for a hundred times. That I love it when he makes me laugh when he do those faces. ;) . |
This is the him that I see every now and then.
Through the good times, and the bad times.
He's like a peaceful big baby.
Sleeping and in his own world.
I'm always tempted to lean in and give him a kiss on the forehead or on his cheek.
Seeing him sleep can be a joy.
But not when I am talking to him.
Or when we're stuck in a conflict...
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| 淡了的爱情，有如互相残杀。 |
Yesterday, I sat in front of you, looked into those half-opened eyes of yours, and said.
"If I am the reason for your frowns, I am here to take it away.
I want to take it away, because I miss your smiles and laughs."
And I mean it.
If being with me is so difficult and hurt to much, then perhaps it's time to let go?
It hurts when I know you're playing your iPhone games and using Facebook, or not sleeping and not texting me.
Especially if you tell me you're going bathe, or sleep yet not.
Even though I ask you sometimes, if you trust me, and you said yes, I know, you've lost your trust in me long since the day you found out about the incidents where I lie to you.
Why else would you wanna read up on Ant's blog.
Or try to crack the code that restricts the settings for location settings?
你不觉得，互相怀疑，很累，很累吗？
一段没有信任的感情，可以维持多久？
I told you I have nothing to hide from you le.
Then why do you still wanna keep checking up on me?
Lolz.
You locked your LINE, you said you forgot the password, then why not delete the app?
You said the settings for FindMyiPhone automatically change to off but is that true?
If I can't track your location, it's only fair if you can't track mine.
I am not asking for fairness here.
I can enable the location settings, for you to track all you want.
Because I am not lying anyway (if in your eyes, I am a girl who's not worth your trust).
I am asking for trust.
I trusted you, you should know.
But you broke the trust.
And then we started lying to each other.
Porns, cyber sex, demeriting each other.
Deleting browsing history, using private browsing.
Is this the best where our relationship can go?
Where we decided and choose to head for?
You know, I wish there could come a day, when I have so much trust in you, and when another girl or other people try to backstab you and tell me things about you, I can push those rumors away and say, I don't care.
"I believe him, because it's him."
Yea, it's dramatic.
But to have someone to be able to trust.
That feeling is precious and at the same time, priceless.
My heart just bleed every time I am feeling down and all I need is that hug, and you're just looking at me with those blank eyes.
*
I can't emphasize enough how debilitated I am.
Why do this to each other?
"爱到妥协，到头来还是无解。
绑着你，不让你飞，历史不断重演我好累。
爱到妥协，也无法将故事再重写。”
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| “迟早我会还这张脸一堆笑容。” Not just mine, yours as well ;) . |
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