"Maybe this is myself thinking, probably mindless dreaming."

After throwing up yesterday night's dinner, I am thankful to actually be able to finish lunch today.
Almost everyone at home is sick.
Myself included.
Cough seemed to have grown very attached to me.
Always coming back to me after leaving for a short while.
I wish I can say the same for good luck.

Somehow, it's tiring.
Like, I slept for approximately 6 hours but I am still tired.
I probably have to sleep early today because I think I need to be at school at some 8.15AM tomorrow I believe.
To rehearse for the big event up on 1 August 2012.

I feel like sleeping now.
But I can't because I will wake up at some weird timing again.

Back To December.

11.46AM.

Suddenly, this song lyrics feel as though they have been written for me.
;0 .

Presenting to you, the abstract of Back to December by Taylor Swift ;) .

This is me swallowing my pride.
Standing in front of you.
Saying I'm sorry for that night.

And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom mean nothing.
But missing you.
Wishing I knew what I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I go back to December turn around and make it alright.
I go back to December all the time.

And then the cold came.
And the dark days.
When fear crept into my mind.
You gave me all you had.
And all I gave you was good bye.

But this is me.
Swallowing my pride.
Standing in front of you.
Saying I'm sorry for that night.

I miss your tan skin.
Your sweet smiles.
So good to me, so right.
And how you held me in your arms that September night.
First time you ever saw me cry.

Maybe this is wishing thinking.
Probaby mindless dreaming.
But if we could love again, I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.

I'd go back to December.
Turn around and change my own mind.

*

22 July 2012, Sunday.

12.42AM.

Met up with Jasmine, Val, YiZhen at Pastamania.

YuShi only joined us some time after.

It was quite productive.

Went to find Dar after the project discussion too.

The feeling while travelling to meet him felt almost the same like the first time I ever saw him.

First time

- Nervous.

- Afraid.

This time.

- Nervous

- Afraid.

Nervous because I didn't know what it would be like.

I didn't know what to expect.

Afraid because I fear that I might not be able to react to him.

And make a fool out of myself or screw the date up.

And on both days, we didn't look much into each other's eyes.

First time, it was because I was too shy to do that.

Yea, I'm a very shy person.

I'm not lying, yo.

And this time, well, I supposed.

Hmmz, actually, I am not that sure either.

I am at his house now.

Lolz.

We were at MBS until around near midnight.

I realized quite a number of things today.

Or technically, yesterday.

• Mothers are awesome people, and someday, I wanna be a mother to my own kids too, from the day I give birth to one, to holding their hands and watch them waddle beside me, or choosing clothes and putting it on them.
• I wanna let nature takes its course.

Of course, these are not the only things I realized but yea.

I supposed everything takes time.

Hopefully, I have that kind of time.

Have been coughing horribly since Wednesday.

); .

I need to learn how take care of my throat.

I don't want my DJ dream to vanish into purple air.

And anyway, just tuning in to radio stations reignites my passion and determination to become an on-air DJ.

Seriously.

Hearing those recorded ads, jingles, songs played, and them talking.

>< , I really really wanna become a DJ.

And that brings me to another thing I realized too.

DJ are supposed to be very.

Outgoing, passionate.

And well, I am still learning.

How to take initiative and stuffs like that.

I mean, in order to achieve big things, I have to start with the small ones.

I am sure if I can get a hang of all those qualities, and etched them within me naturally, I will become an awesome DJ.

;D those who believe in me, keep reading this blog!

Hahahaz just kidding, the blog is locked for now.

OH and that reminds me of another thing I realize today.

Which is, well.

I can very honestly tell people the things about myself.

But it doesn't mean I open up my heart to just about anyone.

Yet there're just that few people who I have total trust in.

You know who you are.

;) .

Thank you for making me smile, when I needed you people the most ;) .

Just interacting with you people never fail to make me feel better even when I am at my most down moments.

Thank you for listening to my same rants over and over almost every single day, every single hour.

I can never ever ever express my gratitudes to you people.

Especially you, Babe <3 .

You're always so ready to listen to me even though I know you're just totally sick of my rants and deep down you wish I can just shut up and be smarter and stop getting hurt.

Besides that, you're always so not calculative.

You're beautiful, you know that?

And I'll always love you like my sister ;D .

You all are beautiful.