Pathetic Girl.

"Call me later," was what was stated in the SMS.

She was curious, ain't he supposed to be sleeping?

Usually, when the guy sleeps, nothing would seem to wake him up.

He would be like a log, still, as though there was no life in him.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" she asked, the moment he picked up the call, "I thought you were sleeping already, why did you message me suddenly?"

"Cannot?" said he.

"I just thought you were sleeping, what were you doing before?" asked the girl, curious, and worried at the thought that he might not have enough sleep.

"I was sleeping," he said.

"You don't sound sleepy at all," she replied.

"But I was sleeping," he defended.

"Sure sure, anything. Ohyes, what time would you want me to call you later?" she asked, concerned about his working time later.

She was rather sure about the timing she needed to call him, but she just wanted to double confirm.

"4 or 4.30PM?" replied in a rather excited tone.

"Okaez, so I will call you at 4PM." replied the girl, happy at the thought that she will get to hear him again as soon as school ends for her.

Not to mention, she called him when her school ended.

It was a long day for her.

The class had a movie to watched in a few minutes time.

According to the teacher, it was related to the course, and a good show too.

"Wake up~ it's 4 already! Or do you still wanna sleep more?" questioned her as she heard his sleepy "Hello" .

"Sleep more I guess."

"Okaez, so I will wake you up at 4.30PM, if you never text me, alright? If you text me, then let's just text as I will most likely be watching the show."

"Okie," he said in a sleepy tone again.

So she went with her class into the lecture theatre.

The show was great!

It was about this politician whose lover got killed, and people thought she committed suicide because he didn't want to give her a status.

But with his good friend, a reporter's help, they realized that things were far more than that.

She happened to look down at her phone and realized that he texted her.

"Ohno, I forgot to call him!"

"Darling, I am sorry for not texting you! I was watching the movie and it was kind of inconvenient." she replied, noticing that she replied 2 minutes after he sent her the text.

He replied not long after, telling her that it was okay, and that he's on the train and he hope that he will not be late.

He didn't text her again until he reach the workplace

At the start, the movie has some technical error but it was resolved when the teacher borrowed as adapter and the laptop of a classmate.

But the technical took too long to resolve and they had to leave because without finishing the movie because there were another group of students waiting to come into the lecture theatre.

She walked with her friends to a bus-stop before the one in front of her school.

They were afraid that there were no seats.

It turned out that they were right.

Even being at one stop before, the crowd was huge, and people practically had to stand on the road while waiting for the bus.

The bus finally came, she took two stops after and alighted, waiting for the bus she wanted to transfer to.

After a long wait in the blazing sun, the bus came and she got on it.

She was carrying many things with her, and was having trouble handling all of them.

"How I wish he was here," she thought to herself.

She went on the bus, only to watch all the available seats taken by people who rushed to go onboard.

She stood on the rocky bus, with several experience to near losing her balance.

Fortunately, someone alighted and she had a place to rest her back.

She tried plugging in her earpiece into the phone to listen to some music but the phone seems abit faulty.

By then, she was frustrated.

"Why do the phone has to be faulty at this moment? Why can't the aircon be any cooler? Why am I so stupid, unable to complete what my classmates completed? Screw myself…" she started to tear alittle.

But she braced herself, because he told her before that schoolwork is not a good reason to waste her tears on.

"Do you think you can spend you life with him?"

"You think he's worth it?"

"Do you actually trust him?"

"Are you sure you won't regret after marrying him?"

"What if he lies to you?"

Voices started appearing in her mind again.

She has voices like this which drove her mad before, but they didn't invade her mind for a long time until today.

The voices were strong, they were determined, they wanted her to listen to them.

"Please do not go up to his house later, you are just going to play the computer and forget about your work." said another voice in her mind.

She shook her head, hopping to shake off the many many voices that was messing her thoughts.

After some time, the voices finally died down, she decided that she wanted to stay at his house downstairs to complete her work, and wait for him there.

But when she alighted, she had the urge to go to the toilet, and so she went up to his house.

As soon as she opened the bedroom door, she dropped her bags and the burdens that she was carrying and went to the toilet, washing her face before she came back into the room.

"I shall just play awhile, a little while won't hurt, my flowers will die if I don't tend to it," she thought to herself as she turned on the computer.

"Chrome is on, your boyfriend was playing, now press that" said the voice.

She listened obediently.

History of porn websites appeared right before her eyes.

She was used to it, after all, watching porn is usual for a guy.

And she knew her boyfriend has a fetish for it.

"Look at the time, look at the time," prompted the voice.

She took her phone and matched the timing of the porn websites surfed.

Tears streamed down her face.

He lied, when he said he was going to sleep, he didn't.

She was depressed, this happened for the countless time already.

She was tired, and upset, yet alone in the room, she had no one else to turn to besides the walls.

"Why? Why must he do this to me? I already told him watching porn was nothing, it's normal, I don't mind, but why must he lie to me that he was sleeping when he watched it?"

She looked around the room, only to find out that his PlayStation controller was on the bed.

"Was it why he didn't reply me?" she thought, remembering that her boy suddenly messaged her after telling her that he was lying on bed.

"It probably is, look at the red wine too. His maid usually clears his room after he leaves house, he must have been enjoying!" the voice added fuel to the already burning anguish inside her.

She was clear, that the anger was there not because he watched porn but the fact that he lied to her.

And so, she thought of what could happened.

He was playing PlayStation earlier on, engrossed, hence forgetting to reply to her.

Then went to pour himself some red wine, and then surf porn.

He could have started searching for some, and deleted the history, but it was clear that he went back to the usual porn site that he always went.

He must have touched himself, released, then too tired to be up again to clear the history.

He probably reminded himself to clear them when he wakes up, but didn't have time because he woke up late.

She left his house, saying goodbye to his dad before stepping out of it.

"I am just not good enough for him." she thought to herself as she stepped out of his bedroom.

She texted him asking why did he woke up late, and what time did he slept?

She wanted him to tell her the truth.

She waited for the reply.

It finally came after an hour or so.

"I slept after you called," the text read.

He forgo the chance of telling her the truth.

She gave him an opportunity but he gave it up unknowingly.

"I think he thinks I am stupid, that's what he always told me," she spoke to the voice.

"Give him up, girl, you deserve better, this is not the first time, and it wouldn't be. Do you remember how much tears you shed for him? How much your heart break and shattered for him? How much you worried, cared and got angry with him but yet he swept that away with his own theories? Girl, he is not your only choice, I thought you promised to me that if he hurt you, you would leave him for good?"

"But I love him, and I love him with my heart, the whole of it! He may let me down, but I know he loves me too, I can feel it."

"You sure? If he love you, why would he watch porn knowing you don't like it?"

"I told him he could…"

"He lied to you."

"Yes, he did…"

"If he loved you, he wouldn't have done so. Haven't you try to satisfy him? Haven't you made it clear to him that he ought not to lie to you?! It ain't the first time, girl, wake up! You'll never be good enough for him, you're just a toy, for him to fulfill his lust, his desire."

"I will never be good enough for him?"

"Never. Remember how he criticized your eyeliners? He said they were ugly. All you wanted was to be pretty for him, make your eyes look bigger like those girls in the pictures he have been browsing through on Facebook. Did he appreciate it? No, all he did was commented that he look like you got into a fight."

"But he mentioned that he likes me without makeup and that I look pretty in his eyes."

"Oh guys always say the same thing, if he really meant it, will he ogle on other girls on Facebook who has bigger boobs and bigger eyes? Slimmer bodies and sharper nose? Stop dreaming, stop living in self-denial. Be back to the bubbly you when you didn't know him."

"I looked through his history, he'll be angry, he'll not forgive me…"

"Why do you think I talked to you in the first place? And remember the time you got your laptop back? He looked through yours too, that was how he found out about Eileen Chan and spoiled the surprise, remember?"

"Yea, he cried after we talked too…"

"Yes he did, but only for that moment, if he really cherishes you, no matter how much he has his needs, he'll turn only to you, and respect you even if you don't want it. Be firm girl."

She stood up, wiping her tears away.

With each step she took, her heart broke further.

She missed him.

She wanted to contact him so badly, but when she thought about the last chance he gave up, she felt like giving up too.

She reached home, and saw her younger brother.

"Did he called?"

"Nope, why?"

"Nothing."

"He didn't call…" the girl weeped.

"Like what I said, you don't matter to him. Check your Facebook, did he tried finding you?"

"No, he didn't," replied the girl quietly, disappointed at the fact that she had 13 notifications, 2 were from him but they were for a photo he commented on 6 hours ago.

"Perhaps, girl, it's time." she said finally, trying to convince that she will be fine.

The pathetic girl mentioned above in the story is a girl that exist in real life.

She was crying her heart out today.

I wanted to bash the boy up, but I couldn't.

I just wanted to stay away from him, and let my mind chill.

Because I love him.

Yes, the girl is me.