I wanna be happy.

I have been paying attention to myself recently.

The same question popped up in my mind.
Almost the instant I wake up.
Everyday.

How can I be a happy person today.

As I read back on my old blogs, I discovered that I was a very unhappy person.
Not just my old blog that date back to as far as three years ago.
But perhaps my diaries as well.
And for this blog, I believe, if anyone select from the archive, of any month, and read any post, there will be a high probability that the content the reader is reading will be a sad one.

Sometimes, when we neglect people's feelings and take care of our own, we're being criticized as selfish, low EQ.
But when we try to take care of other people's feelings at the expense of our own, we're being told we think too much, we're overly sensitive.

And yet many times, it's near impossible to strike a balance.
Most of the time, one party cares too much.
And the other party cannot be bothered to care.

Have you ever been in the above situation?
Because nowadays, I feel that way most of the time.

Regardless of family ties, friendship, or relationship.
People always say, I care too much.
Generally, I get told by people that I think too much.

But anyone in the situation that I mentioned above will perhaps, be able to put themselves in my shoes and understand why I think so much.
One main factor why I think so much is because of this word.

Insecurity.

It's really difficult to please everyone.
Seriously.
No matter what you say, what you do.
People always see what they wanna see.
People always hear what they wanna hear.
And when they see and hear things they're not a fan off, they get upset.
Some take it as far as backstabbing you.

So at the end of the day, do I really think too much?

My answer is, yea, I do.
I don't deny.
And I have to admit that I am very very emotional, sensitive (be it to my own feelings or the feelings of others), paranoid, and my mood swings occur oftenly and unexpectedly.

I can't change the way I am, but that's just the way I am.

But I have to say.
The reason why I ask so much, is because I care.
The reason why I think so much, is because you're important to me.
And if I ever cry for you, it's because you're already a part of my life.

If you're the ones that are not in the situation, then perhaps, this might be new to you.
Somehow.
So.
The next time you find someone ask you too much questions, especially your parents, it's because they care, so thank them and let them know you appreciate them, assure them.
The next time you find someone over-imagining things, it's because they're afraid to lose you, so comfort them, tell them those mental images they made up ain't gonna come true.
And lastly, if you ever know someone cry for you, don't treat it as you're unaware of it, take the initiative, put your arms around them, give them a hug, and apologize for making them cry.
But don't stop at the apology.
Do something to make it up, make things right and remind yourself not to do it again.

That's what apology meant.
And only when you do that, do apology work their wonders.

Sincerity comes from the actions, not the words.
Because what are words then you really don't mean it when you say them, right?

So, back to the question.
Am I a happy person today?
Lolz, I can only say.
I am still trying to be ;D .