哼你爱的歌会痛，看你的信会痛，连沉默也痛。

5.37PM.
Eating maggie!
Break time after some Maths Algebra session ;eeks !

7.11PM.
Sigh, humans are all selfish.
Most humans just forget whatever promise they made at the start to get what they want.
When they finally get what they want.
No wonder the devil wants to sign contract when they make a deal.

I remembered how I used to tell Lynn and Cordelia how to try for channels.
It has always been something I am proud of.
Because most of the people just don't know about the bug and difference in timing.
But the same fucking thing always happen.
Know the trick, know how to buy, then from then on always help themselves to buy.
Say what will buy for me, when I can't buy, say what, is to help my FAM, bullshit.
._. promises?
Too nave, missy.
Humans are selfish, remember that.

7.50PM.
The same old thing just keep recurring and recurring.
My heart is full of hatred now.
Why is this so?
Somebody, save me.
I fear that I will lose Boon, Sweetheart, Mandy, Juan, Jan, Momo, Alee like how I lost the others.
Sigh.
._. .
Consolations please?
I need assurance.
I swear I am getting annoyed by myself.
I bet others are getting annoyed by me too.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.

I should just die.

我发誓不再说谎了，多爱你就会抱得多紧的。

Before I sleep, this post shall be dedicated to my babe.
<3 , I know you're going through a more than rough patch in your life. I can't say I totally know how you feel, but if you need someone to rant to, I am here. I know you say you'll take your leave first if you sense someone with a hint of leaving you. I don't know if I emit that sense of leaving, but babe, rest assure, I never will. I won't ever ever wanna leave you. Because even when you think you're not worth anything, even if you're broken and damaged from all the relationship scars, you, Dame Tan, will still be a gem in my eyes, in my heart. A gem that heaven brought to me in year 2007. <3 I love you babe. Please cherish youself. One day, you'll find a love that blossoms more beautifully than the flowers in this garden of ours =) !

我越來越像貝殼，怕心被人觸碰，你回來那就好了。

Warning:
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最近在腦海中，這首歌的歌詞不停在腦海中閃過。
是啊，這首歌的確是滿久以前的。
但對我而言，還是以前的歌比較有意義。

梁静茹 － 呼吸的痛。

“在東京鐵塔；　第一次眺望。
看燈火模仿；　墜落的星光。
我終於到達；　但卻更悲傷。
一個人完成；　我們的夢想。”

東京 (Tokyo), Japan.The country of their dreams.
Yes, both of them.

熱戀中的男女時常會對對方許下承諾。
如果你有談過戀愛的，你應該也經歷過吧。
他／她對你說過的未來。
例如：婚禮的地點、甚麼樣的結婚禮服、要請誰、到哪裡度蜜月、生幾個小孩、叫甚麼名字。
剛在一起的時候，以為真的找到所謂的“永恆”。
不幸分手的時候才發現，承諾沒有辦法履行。
最後，就剩你自己完成，當初的夢想。
那些在甜蜜回憶里許下的承諾。

“你總說：　時間還很多，　你可以等我。
以前我不懂得，　未必明天，　就有以後⋯⋯”

年輕的時候，總覺得時間很多。
想說的話，明天說。
想做的事，明天做。
當光陰漸漸流失以後，人不在身邊了，才發現：
想要說的話沒說，是遺憾。
想要做的事沒做，是遺憾。
蹉跎過的歲月，已經找不回。
是啊，有明天，有以後。
但這個明天，這個以後，又有多少意義？

“想念是會呼吸的痛；　它活在我身上所有角落。
哼你愛的歌會痛；　看你的信會痛；　連沉默也痛。”

你試過，想一個人時候對自己笑。
笑著笑著就哭了嗎？
你嘗試過肝腸寸斷的痛嗎？
深深的愛過、遺憾的失去過、想一個人的痛，就是如此。
聽到了以前聽過的歌。
看到了那個人寫過的信。
發現周圍少了你愛的人的吵鬧。
那種沈默的痛，你經歷過嗎？

“遺憾是會呼吸的痛；　它流在血液中來回滾動。
後悔不貼心會痛，　恨不懂你會痛，　想見不能見最痛⋯⋯”

遺憾就是當你回憶起過去時，想說：
“我應該那麼做。”
“我不應該那麼做。”
“如過我那麼做／沒那麼做就好。”
思念包含的甜蜜，包含的苦，是一種說不出的感受。
所以想見不能見最痛。

“沒看你臉上，　張揚過哀傷。
那是種多麼，　寂寞的倔強。
你拆了城牆，　讓我去流浪。
在原地等我，　把自己捆綁。”

“你沒說，　你也會軟弱，　需要倚賴我。
我就裝不曉得，　自由移動，　自我地過。”

很多男生認為，把心痛藏在心底，是堅強。

是男生的你，知道女生要的是甚麼嗎？

女生需要的是你時不時的關心、呵護。

需要的不是你為她上高山下油鍋，是你伴在她身邊由始至終守候在她身邊。

男生是女生的避風港，沒錯。

但你知道嗎？

我們女生也想要嘗試分擔你的煩惱。

我們也想當你的守護天使。

因為，當我們護着你的時候，我們會有一種被重視的感覺。

有一種被需要的感覺。

“我發誓不再說謊了，　多愛你就會抱你多緊的。
我的微笑都假了，　靈魂像飄浮著，　你在就好了。”

說不愛你，是騙你的。
不愛你的話，會為你流那麼多淚？
會吃那些跟你交談過的女生的醋？
會為你的所作所為，所說的話難過？
女生太空閒了嗎？
還不是因為愛上了一個笨蛋，而變成了傻瓜？

“我發誓不讓你等候，　陪你做想做的無論什麼，
我越來越像貝殼，　怕心被人觸碰，　你回來那就好了⋯⋯”

如果時間能重來，你要拉我進你懷裡的那一刻，我一定順從。

如果時間能重來，你說你願意等我的那一刻，我一定告訴你我也愛上你了。

“能重來那就好了。”

可是時間，不能倒流。
以致回憶，遺憾，帶給自己那“呼吸的痛”。

You said you want me to be happy.
Reading thus not replying my message?
Yea, sure, bring on the excuses.
I sure am happy.

／恩。

PS: Nevertheless, thank you for taking time to try and understand how I feel =) .

想念时会呼吸的痛。

I have no idea why I just have this feeling that I can't bear to let him leave my side today.
It is because I will miss him too much?
Sigh, quite a lot of bad memories flood me today again.
Is it because of the weather?
Something doesn't feel right in me, my heart, is telling something is gonna happen.
Is it because I am paranoid?

Noticed that the time is 5.20PM?
我爱你！

Loonies have always cheer me up.
The reason why I keep recruiting members isn't because I wanna make Loonies into those superficial FAMs out there.
=| , am I doing so?
I just want to make more friends, that's all.

Seriously, Charlotte's dancing bunny, Darling's rabbit and "me working" makes me laugh out loud when I saw it.

These few nights, LINE have been a noisy place for me =) .
Conversations like this just make me.
Go LOLZ while sitting on bed and reading.

Hmmz.
The time is 6.44PM now.
I am on 853, gonna go Yishun then take 39 home.
I am missing him.
Wae?!

11.59PM.
Am gonna upload pictures of my dinner!

Vegetables and egg !
Quite obvious.

Asam Fish Head !

Keke went to Changi Village for dinner with my parents and younger brother.
I really love my family <3 .
Then went home and spammed LINE with LOONIES.

Kyo and I said we wanna study together at the same time <3 !

Another evening of laughing until my sides ache.
Keke. I really love them too.
Charlotte has officially became my brother's tuition teacher too. =D , she is so cute.
Omg I really love this group of loony friends to the max.
I really will hate my life without them.
Whenever I think how there may be a chance I never get to know them, I shiver.
I can't imagine.
They're gems in my life.
Gems I wanna cherish, protect and love till the end of my life.
Looniness today?
Keke, Darling sent me what he saw on his phone.
Ohwell, have a gauge on how loonatic we can be.

Scary Loonatics, more than 1,000 notifications.
At least now you know, how a 1,000 notification will look like on an iPhone.
Darling's homescreen, me love.

Darling says he might be staying up to watch match between Chelsea and Manchester City.
Which starts at 4AM.
I asked him when was the last time he stayed up to that time because of me.
Well, I miss the old him when he wouldn't, can't get to sleep because I was angry with him.
That was the Jason I fell in love with.

Dear God, send that guy back to me.
I gave my heart to that patient and caring man.

/AnnWai.