梦里会相遇，就毫不犹豫，大声地说我要说。

Life Beautiful.
So is love.
If you're loving the right person ;) .

This is what I have been feeling nowadays.
Although I am being crushed by school work, stress and all.
But at least, I live to see the world each morning, knowing that my family is safe.
That matters most to me, and that is already something to be happy about.

I often wonder if anyone is reading this blog of mine.
=| , since I don't have a tagbox to let people leave a comment.
Like I explained before, if I have a tagbox, and no one commented or leave a tag, I'll be upset.
LOLZ so, in order to save myself from disappointment, I shall save the trouble of creating an expectation ;) .

Yea, my emoticons changed.
;D , I wanna use the emoticons I feel like using.
So yupz.

I feel a little unease that I have not been able to post as frequently as before.
Even up till this moment, I am still rushing my assignment and I just had this feeling that I have to post something.
So here I am.

To those who have been visiting this space regularly, thank you.
;) , please take care and stay healthy <3 !

也许该回到被窝。

我就是这么一个人。

If I feel that I am pressurizing you, I'll stop trying to get close to you.
If you tell me I am making you tired, I'll pull away from you.

I am scared of being left alone.
And I hate people leaving my side.
So before they even got a chance to do that, I will initiate the split up.

x) , that's just the way I am.

也许空虚让我想得太多。

口是心非，可能是我最大的才华。

I really am used to speaking what my heart feels otherwise.

I can feel my temper getting from bad to worse again.
And I hate it.

Sorry if I put any stress on anyone.
Sigh.
I wish someone would tell me, it's okaez.
And that he or she won't leave me alone.

原来什么都可以，我们是否还会停留在这里？

Mum's Wisdom On Falling In Love With The Right Guy:


" You'll fall in love with the wrong guy , You'll fall in love with the right guy . You'll learn lessons from both .


Marry the one you feel easy with . The one who doesn't make you want to evaluate every angle of yours , The way you talk , The way you walk , How you look like , What kind of politics you enjoy .


He should love you for you . Even if he's a thousand miles away . He better try to come close to you , To keep you .


He should be able to hold you tightly when you cry and to push you forward when you act like a pathetic , Self-loathing goofball . He should know your worth is a lot more than you already think it is but insist humility and grace . He should be your friend and secret keeper .
And he'll hurt you , Everyone hurts someone they love , And you better forgive him at least once .


The right guy won't lie to you , He won't promise you nothings , He'll make stupid mistakes but he'll try to fix them .


Love him for trying . Marry him and tell him you don't care if he's not the richest man in the world as long as he's making a decent income to bring food to the table, A good lock on the door .


Encourage him, be honest to him, never ever let him make you insignificant because you're a woman . Let him know you can fight too .


A good man won't ever take you for granted. He'll respect your choice and make space for them . " Credits of picture and text:
--http://lovecuppies.tumblr.com/


=) .

回忆都成了永远，你是否还会记得今天？

我不奢求你为了我改变很多，或改变什么。
但至少，我希望你为了我可以三思而行。

I thought I might be the girl who'll make a difference in your life.
Who will motivate you to wanna become better.
Who will be able to give up your desires and reject tempations.

It dawned on me that I am definitely not the one.

Lolz.

如果有一天，梦想都实现。

很多人都叫我放弃你。
但我始终没有。
干爹说，至少你不会滥赌。

但你一再又一再让我失望。
讲过不赌球了。
你还是背着我赌。
好失望。

你跟我喜欢的煌奇差太远了。

我为你流的泪，不够多吗？
告诉我，我该怎么办？

放弃你吗？

好喜欢你，知不知道？

10.16AM.
Am at Blk 52, Level 6, waiting for RuiWen.
Just ended Sports and Wellness.
Gonna film later.
Sigh )= , so tired.
I wanna sleep.
I love sleeping after work out.
Heehee.

7.45AM, MY NEW SHOES THAT DAR CHOOSE FOR ME !

7.48AM, ME AND VAL MAMA DE SHOES.

7.49AM, Earlybird effect for earlybirds like us LOLZ MUAHAHAHAHAZ.

9.36AM, after the lesson zomg.

From the Pudding Camera app, Mama Val and I de selcas =) !

10.26AM, Mama and me using LINE camera !

10.51AM, setting up camera !

12.17PM, my lunch, Chicken Teriyaki Sandwich !

1.08PM, really machiam filming crew.

These are the other photos that I stole from Val Mama's iPhone =P !

我想对你说，却害怕都说错。

2.55PM, 复古的门！

2.59PM, the old Mers that fits in with the old houses !

3.24PM, the nice building.

3.57PM, Dar changing his Facebook password hahahaz.

4.04PM, when one day, all these will become nothing but memories.

4.53PM, Dar and me at the tetete bridge.

5.13PM, a coincidental meeting with my little brother at SGH hehz.

5.22PM, my beloved ahma ♥ .

5.27PM, my two lovely family member~

5.28PM, I love the three of them =) .

5.30PM, Dar help me take photo heehee.

5.32PM, brother and ahma ♥ !

5.35PM, ahma and her dinner =) .

5.44PM, say goodbye!

当你说夜深你睡不着。

I am quite upset by this photo.

Honestly, that's they way most humans are.

I have two comments on this photos.

Firstly, plastic surgery.
Is it wrong to have plastic surgery?
This is ridiculous.
First, people say they prefer natural over fake.
And natural is beautiful.
Yet when the kids in the picture don't match their definition of good-looking, they put up comments that suggest these kids are ugly.

Why do people wanna look good, look better?
It's because of the perception of beauty in this society.
When people say inner beauty is more important that looks, they are lying.
Because when you look around, there are many airheads judging people by looks.

It is a sin to wanna look better?
What is wrong with plastic surgery?
Should a person be discriminated because he or she undergo a plastic surgery?

Secondly, the whole picture.
Does anyone stop to think before commenting, the whole story behind this picture?

For one, the kids in this picture may have been photoshopped in or someone had purposely distorted the face.
When people look good, some will immediately say it's done by computer edit.
Yet when people don't look good, the same bunch of people wouldn't hesitate to say it's natural.
It definitely says something about humanity, doesn't it?

For two, the three kids in the picture could have been adopted.
Is there proof to say they the three kids belong to the two adults?
The true story may be, this couple may not have wanted to give birth.
Or because they couldn't give birth.
Thus they choose to adopt.
So this three kids do not belong to them, as in, not related to them by blood.
Does the captions still make any link with the picture then?

Humans.
Never hesitate to judge.
Yet always complaining about being criticized.
Lolz.

当你说今天的烦恼。

2.18AM.
It makes me fed up, how I had alot of things to say.
Yet after setting up my laptop and opening this page to pen down my thoughts for this entry, I lose all the inspiration I had earlier on.

I don't know how to express myself.
I was talking to Sweetheart just now in Audii when she suddenly said she miss the old Boon with more hair and fats rather than the botak with muscles.
Hahahaz.
Don't get me wrong, she loves him, of course, as much as she always did, or perhaps more.

For me, I miss the old Boon with more hair and fats too.
I felt that in the past, I was closer to him.
Because for nothing or something, that best friend will always call and text me to ask how was I, and if I wanna hang out, be it just the two of us, or with people.

Kyo and Sweetheart seems fine even though they don't meet all the time, but I don't get it why do I seem to feel so outcasted at times.
They were all friends I am proud, and will always be proud to have.
And will never regret having.
But there are just times, when I feel a tinge of loneliness in me even when they're just right beside me.

Sweetheart said that she felt NS has stolen her boyfriend from her.
For me, I guess NS and relationship as well as school and games has stolen my best friend from me.
It might sound offending, but I am being truthful.
I think by typing this out, I have found the ultimate root to why I feel so lonely besides being affected by my very own relationship.

Not only because of that.
After Sweetheart has set up ~luvPABO~, I felt that we somehow has grown so not close anymore.
Because of FAM channels, which eventually leads to because of FAM points.
Although Sweetheart has assure me that LOONIES will be her priority, I am starting to think otherwise the moment she knew how to catch channel.

I must be clear the attitude that I am displaying.
I am not backstabbing or what.
But at this point, when I don't know how to tell you about this, Sweetheart, I hope that through my blog, you'll come to understand how I feel and the reason why sometimes, I might have a sudden change in tone and becoming that bitch who's a little hostile towards you.
For that, I apologize.

I felt happy when Sweetheart said she don't mind using her FAM for random FAM battles to earn FP for LOONIES, assured that LOONIES will still be the FAM she thinks of first.
But let's face it, that FAM is being set up with the love between her and Boon in mind.
Random FBs means there's a possibility that the stats and FP may be screwed.
She would mind.
This is the feeling that FAM leader would have, especially when it's a FAM he/she cherish.
I can assure you that despite having sub FAMs that were set up for random FAM battles, I could never bear to those sub FAMs fight wars I am not sure of winning.

Nevertheless, it might just be me.
Since Sweetheart and I are two different individuals.

Also, I feel that, since Sweetheart's FAM have her own members, it's becoming an individual FAM.
And sooner or later, there'll be this day when she'll spend more time, managing ~luvPABO~ and less time with ~LOONIES~.
It hurts when I think of it.
When I imagine how that would happen.

Sweetheart wanted to learn how to buy channel.
She said she wanted to catch for LOONIES.
But, it turned out otherwise most of the time.

It's hard not to think that way when I see a channel for her FAM but LOONIES FP is not going up, and the way it's slipping out of top 50, it pains me.

Perhaps it may sound selfish on my part, how I mind so much about FP and it seems as though I am taking away your freedom of what you wanna do in game.
Again, I am sorry.
I have never wanted fame or popularity for LOONIES.
All I wanted was to make friends.
For the old LOONIES who have joined and stayed, I am thankful.
And I am thankful to all those who have met up and had fun and bonded together.
I am really grateful to fate for letting us become friends.
Which is why I hate it when anyone tells me they wanna have their own FAM.
Because the same thing happened more than once.
They said they just create for fun, or just wanna see.
But eventually, that new FAM will become more important to them.
And once it's strong enough, LOONIES will become an old past.

As for slipping out of top 50, it's because LOONIES fought so hard then, to be in top 10, yet hacks came out and channels became something near to miracle.
And then national exams came, and all of us had to give up gaming.
FPs became the least of our troubles.
But yet, even so, when we came back to Audii, LOONIES was still in top 40.
Which is why I really wanna do my best to keep LOONIES in top 50.

I miss my best friends.
The very same person I am talking, who can tell when I am not myself.
Not the very same people who skipped my words and turned away from me, when I am not-so-obviously reaching for them.

Sweetheart, you may not have noticed.
I wasn't feeling that well when I was helping your friend with her wedding.
Before that, on SMS, I asked if you found Dark but you ignored me totally for that.
Hahaz, it's not something really outstanding on the message, so yea.
I understand you might have overlooked that.
After the wedding, I left without even saying bye to anyone.
A few months ago, you would have probably SMS-ed me immediately to find out if anything was wrong with me, but today, you didn't.
You thanked me for the help.
I could only smile at the phone.
At least you remembered me.

Sigh, I don't know what to do.
I don't want this relationship to sour.
I haven't been reading your blog because of how emotions will attack me when I get to engaged with reading the contents.
Yet I feel this gap getting bigger and bigger.
And most of the times, I feel that I am the selfish one and it's my actions that are causing this friendship to seem screwed.

I don't know how much LOONIES, this word, means to everyone in the FAM, but to me, it probably means half of my world to me.
Just this word alone.

Tell me.
What should I do?

想你想你，也能成为嗜好。

4.09PM.
Am with Dar and his mum at Thomson Plaza massaging.
Took a few photos of him.
Realized, I am the one who usually takes pictures of him, of us.
Lulz.
Question is, wae do I take so many pictures?

4.04PM, Dar reading newspaper while enjoying his leg massage.

What a face @@.

After massaging, Dar's mother decided to eat at Sushi Tei.
=) , they went ahead with their plan while I made a trip to the toilet.
Lolz, it was a rather embarrassing trip, because I fell.

5.15PM, Dar and I at Sushi Tei with his mum, and done ordering food.

5.20PM, here comes Round 1 !

5.21PM, Round 2 Part 1 !

5.22PM, Round 2 Part 2 !

5.25PM, Round 3, my personal battle, Tempura Udon <3 !

Looking at the pictures of all these food makes me hungry.
There was Round 4 and on, but I was too busy with my food then to take pictures of them.
Teehee.

After eating there, Dar and I parted ways with his mum and we headed towards Singapore General Hospital.

7.10PM, this is the scenery of my way to SGH.

It was.
Malu.
How Dar scared me while I was humming some tune.
-.- by finishing it for me.
Lulz.

My ahma seems fine.
Haiz, I wish I could provide her with better treatment and a better ward or bed to stay in.
Zzz, fml.

我想对你好，你从来不知道。

我再也不想做那个等着你的来电，或简讯的笨女人。

当你喝可乐，当你吵。

For the past few months, I felt alone even though I am in a relationship.
In the eyes of others, we just look happy together.
In the eyes of your friends maybe.
Or unhappy, I don't know.
But friends who really know us well can tell we're both unstable even though it's near one year.

I feel alone because most of the time, I just seems to be the only one fighting for us.
For you, for me, for the future you said you wanted for us.
Despite all the disputes we had, I choose to believe in you, in us, in that future.
Because I love you, I chose to forgive, even though I cannot forget.
Although I emphasize alot on how I cannot get over certain things, you have never once tried your very best to make me feel alright.

Yea, you tried, but only when I am tamed.
Yea, you tried, but only when you're in a good mood.
Yea. you tried, but only when things are going your way.

I am not saying you've never tried.
Honestly, to be fair to you, you did.
Just that I think I tried harder.
I am not trying to do a comparison here, but this is how I feel.

When your girl feels upset and hung up on you, the first thing to do, is to call her back.
For that, I don't think you love me enough.
I don't think you're scared to lose me either.
Because you dislike people who hangs up on you.
Thing is, Jason, I am your girlfriend.
The girl who you claim you love me more than I think.
Lolz.
What else?
You're going to bathe.
Nice excuse, Jason, bathing is more important than making sure your girlfriend is okaez =) .

It's absolutely true, when you said you love me more than I think you do.
I think you love me no more than you love sleeping.
So yea, you love me that much.

After that honeymoon period, I am always the one calling you back.
Trying to locate you when you go missing.
Calling till you pick up.
Calling even though you've off-ed your phone.
Friends asked why I still continue to be with you.
I told them, I love you.

For you, Jason, I am willing to put down my pride, put aside my devastation, and continue fighting for your care, your attention.
Yet, even after all the ferocious fighting, all the cryings and even after setting my dignity aside for you, a "dislike people who hang up on me" is what I get from you.
Yes, Jason, I get it, really.
You dislike me for hanging up on you.
And yes, I definitely realize you love me so much that you didn't bother to call.

You could have called after you bathed, when you stepped out of house, before you got on the train while walking towards the station, since you said you hate talking on the train.
But you didn't.

When I was angry, I used to removed our relationship status on Facebook.
Delete you off and everything.

And just off-ed my phone.
Or throw tantrum over SMS, asking for a break up.

But I didn't.
I don't wanna regret doing things that I know I will regret.

I wanted to, really tempted to.
Because I am upset.
And disappointed.
And I am further aggravated by the fact that you know that I am upset yet made no further effort than text to communicate with me.

You didn't apologize.
Nor did you showed effort to show that you were sorry for making me upset.

In the past, I kept forgiving you again and again.
I kept telling myself that this is just you.
You hate saying sorry but you will try to make it up in other ways.
I keep convincing myself that you love me, and try to think of all the good things you've done for me.
And that this is just the way you handle your anger and wanna cool down.

But Jason ahz, I feel like giving up le.
I don't think you understand how it feels when the person your phone is on, and yet you don't see calls from the person you are waiting silly for.

You said you love me, more than I think you do.
You said you love me, more than I love you.

But if you really love me that much, why am I fighting so hard?
To the point where I am getting scars and bruises?
This is not making any sense you know.

You may be angry with me for not replying your message.
I am scared that you'll be angry too.
I am afraid that you'll not come after me.
But I know I will have to face this reality sooner or later.

Really, how we came to this situation was stupid.

It's something really minor.
Albeit, I guess it's really a good time for me to see, how much do I worth to you.
And how much are you willing to put in for me.

Like I said, I know I put in my all for this relationship, sending you random sms, making sure you feel loved by me, trying my best to be the girl you can be proud of.

But I just cannot seem to be the kind of girl you wanna be with.

Maybe Abigail is right, you deserve someone better than me.
I am just not good enough for you.

In this post, I shall attach a picture that somehow describe how I feel.
You can choose to read it, you can choose not to.

－ “⋯⋯男人就应该让着自己心爱的女人，这个因为换个角度想一想你也是幸福中的人。”

It's always the skill of giving and taking in relationship.
I don't expect you to give in to me all the time.
But I feel that I am the one giving in to you all the time.
When we're in bad mood, I'm always the one giving in to you to appease you.
Especially when the bad mood is because we are in an argument.

－ “女人不吵了、不闹了、不叫了，就是真的不爱了。

女人说要离开，是伤心了，是你让她失望了。

女人明知道你们之间没有未来，却情愿留在你身边做个普通朋友，不是她太贱，只是她舍不得。
女人故意在你面前提到别的男人，不是她花心，只是想要刺激一下你，让你多在乎她一点。
女人不主动打电话、发简讯给你，不是不想你，是她不够自信，你接到电话、接简讯时，是否同样地想念她。
如果女人不爱你，是不会对你发脾气的，不要抱怨自己的女朋友脾气太怪，女人只对她爱的人发脾气。
女人不是不知道在外面你还有别的女人，她选择独自伤心却不揭穿你，是害怕揭穿后给了你一个离开她的借口。

女人总是在你面前假装很开心，不是她没心没肺，成天傻乐，只是为了在你面前留下最美的样子。

男人，其实，你不懂。”

Translation:

"When a girl stops arguing, stops throwing tantrum at you, it means she doesn't love you anymore.
If a girl says she wanna leave, it's because she's upset, because you disappointed her.
A girl can know that both of you doesn't have a future, yet stays by your side as a normal friend, not because she doesn't have pride, but because she cannot bear to let you go.
A girl mentions another guy in front of you not because she flirts, but because she trigger you to care more about her.
When a girl doesn't take the initiative to call you or message you, it's not because she doesn't miss you, it's because she's uncertain if you'd miss her the same way she does when you get her call or message.

If a girl doesn't love you, she won't flare up at you, so don't complain that your girl has a weird temper, because girls only flare at the guy they love.
A girl knows you have another girl outside, but she chose to bottle her feelings up, not wanting to expose you because she's afraid that if she does, it just gives you another reason to leave her.
A girl always pretends she's happy in front of you, this is not because she doesn't have emotions, it's because she only wanna be the best in front of you.

Boy, you really have no idea..."

Good night, Dar, sweet dreams tonight.

Sorry, I don't know how to be there for you tonight.
And sorry, because I don't know if you ever want me to be there for you in the future.

Jason, you have never understood me...

沉默已成为我最大的哭泣声。

当你的眼睛眯成笑。

You fell asleep without tell me what time you wanna wake up while waiting for my reply.
I called you when it's time.
I was joking with you.
Trying to let you know how insecure I am, what you gave me was raising your voice at me, obvious change of tone, and saying you weren't.
Then came your forte of keeping mute.

Do you know why I feel insecure this morning?
Speaking about being a bitch.
Who is?

The boy who lies to her girlfriend to watch porn?
Or the girl who reminds her boyfriend not to watch it as a joke.

The boy who keeps quiet because he's dulan?
Or the girl who rants because she's upset?

The boy who never even say sorry for upsetting the girl?
Or the girl who cries because she upset?

The guy who doesn't even bother to call back?
Or the girl who hung up on him?

The guy who don't even bother to coax her?
Or the girl waiting for him to call back?

I tell everyone I am tired all the time.
And that I am sick of us fighting.
Guess what?
I mean it this fucking time.
I am sick of fighting with you.
Sick of fighting for us, for you, for the future you keep saying you'll have but not putting enough effort to achieve.

I'll see if you call back to me again.
You are gonna be on the train to work.
You know that I am upset.
If you love me, you'll call.
A guy who really love his girl don't have to ask HOW to coax her.
He'll knows.

If I don't see you making an effort, I'll know.
I am not threatening you or what.
I am just trying to let you know, in the face.
That I am tired of putting in so fuckong much effort.
I am sick of being the cancer that heals you.

So fuck off if you cannot handle my sensitivity and emotions.
Really.
I am sick and sick.
If you get what I mean.

Jason, I'm tired.
So yea.
If you love me.
Find me.
If not.
I guess I won't beg for you anymore.

Forget about the 1st year real life anniversary.
We are struggling too much.
Struggling more than we can take.
I give up.

I hate to be the one calling you back.
I hate to be the one waiting for you to call.

不能再和你相约，你是否会发觉，我已经说再见？

10.33PM.
Am at the Singapore General Hospital, Accidents and Emergency Block.
I am really pissed off at my aunt.

Around 5 or 6 years ago, when your husband collaspe at home, you called my mum, she dropped the housework at home and rushed down to your house.
The doctor made it clear to all of those present that if uncle was sent in late by 2 hours late, he could have been gonecase.

Last year, grandma was being sent into SGH for the first time.
What did you say?
Your sons were too young?
Hospital too much germs?
You have housework?

Lolz, look, do you need reality to slap you in the face before you are even clear that you're being over protective of your sons?
My brother is younger than your younger sons, he travel to and fro home when ahma was in the hospital to visit her you know.
Your elder son is older than me, yet I was the one who brought ahma to the hospital when none of the adults can make it when there was appointments for checkups.

Today, ahma is in the hospital, you and your husband have not even called once even though you know your mother-in-law, your husband's mother is in the hospital.
Are you busy with your housework again?
It's near 11PM.
Housework?
Who're you kidding?

Bitch, you have no idea how much I'd love to slap you in the face you know.
I am sick, down with cough, flu, and here I am, sitting down with my exhausted mum at the hospital.
And there you are, in the comfort of your home, enjoying the warmth of the house.

Is this fair, bitch.
Is this fair?

Don't blame it on us if, touchwood, something screwed up at your house again.
You don't deserve to be helped.
You deserved to be slapped in the face.

如果有一天，我离你遥远。

This is something random, but yea, I feel like changing my blogskin.
Since the advancement of technology, mobile-friendly websites has become more and more important.
>< I hate to see my own blog with my own phone when my own face is blocking my own post.

Another random thing is, my cough is making me feel sick and dizzy.
I am in the classroom now waiting for the teacher's arrival.
Hopefully today's lessons won't be too intense because my brains are not able to take it.

That's all for now.
._. , shyt, I still have yet to post about the Genting trip...
It's gonna be a month soon.
Procrastination really did me in.
Lolz...

回到最原始的我，你是否会觉得我不错？

1 May 2012.
Dar, Happy 15th Audii Wedding Anniversary <3 .
Keke.

Loonies had one of those rare outings.
It's a pity some members couldn't be here but I'm just glad we have new members.
And one of them came =D .

We met for lunch, then play pool.
It was fun.
=D shall let some pictures do the talking.
Am posting this before sleeping.
I'm tired.

Signing off at 11.13PM !

3.13PM, from left to right, Jason, PingSiong and AhBoon =) .

3.26PM, Happy 15th Audii Wedding Anniversary, Dar <3 .

3.37PM, Uncle Tan.

5.17PM, the loving JRs of ~LOONIES~ =) !

5.19PM, XingFu and Jason =) .

5.20PM, Justin Di, playing with his phone all the time =P .

5.21PM, AhBoon and his serious face when it comes to pool.

5.23PM, two beautiful girls =D .

5.27PM, the result of Precious' tender loving care.